Shabbat - Step By Step

Tallit   |    Shabbat Teaching

 

 

Read step by step details about Shabbat....



On the holy Shabbat, whose inner meaning is the spiritual elevation of all the worlds.. the Shabbat candle serves to symbolize the elevation of the soul and of holiness. (Divrei Chayim)

The more candles, the more praiseworthy it is (shomer shabbat).

This is not required but it says in Be'er Hativ, you should light Shabbat candles in all the rooms you use.

Instructions on lighting:

First light the candles. Then spread your hands out placing them around the candles, drawing your hands toward you in a circular motion three times to indicate that you are accepting the sanctity of Shabbat. You then cover your eyes and recite the blessing:

BO-RUCH A-TOH ADO-NOI E-LO-HEI-NU ME-LECH HO-OLOM A-SHER KI-DE-SHO-NU BE-MITZ-VO-SOV VE-TZI-VO-NU LE-HAD-LIK NER SHEL SHA-BOS KO-DESH. Translation: Blessed are you, L-rd our G-d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the light of the holy Shabbat.

Uncover your eyes and look at the sparkling Shabbat lights.

The Shabbat candles must be lit 18 minutes before the sunset. It is prohibited and is a desecration of the Shabbat to light the candles after sunset.

APPENDIX A: SUMMARY OF THE BLESSINGS

Blessing over the Candles

Arms are motioned three times, hands drawing over the flames as if to bring the light toward you, at last covering your face as the special blessing is said:

Baruch atah Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

asher kideshanu be-mitzvotav

ve-tzivanu lehadlik neir shel Shabbat.

Your are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who made us holy with His commandments and commanded us to kindle lights for Shabbat.

After the recitation, many take special time to thank G-d for the many blessings of health, prosperity, and joy in their lives. There is also a special prayer composed by women, for women, which many include at this time:

Yehi ratzon mi-lefanecha,

Hashem Elokai veilokei avotai,

she-techonein oti (ve-et ishi ve-et banai)

ve-et kol kerovai vetashlim bateinu.

Ve-sashkein shechinat'cha beineinu.

Ve-sakeini legadeil banim u-vnay banim

chachamim u-meirim et ha-olam ba-Torah

uve-ma'asim tovim veha'eir neireinu she-lo

yichbeh le-olam va-ed. Ve-ha'eir panecha

ve-nivashei'a Amein.

May it be Your will, Lord my G-d and of my fathers, to be gracious to me (and to my husband and children) and to all my family, crowning our home with the feeling of Your divine presence dwelling among us. Make me worthy to raise learned children and grandchildren who will dazzle the world with Torah and goodness, and ensure that the glow of our lives will never be dimmed. Show us the glow of Your face and we will be saved. Amen.

Blessing of the Children

For a son:

Yesimcha Elokim

ke-Efrayim vechi-Menashe

May G-d make you like Ephraim and Menasha.

For a daughter:

Yesimeich Elokim

ke-Sarah, Rivkah, Racheil

ve-Lei'ah

May G-d make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.

For both continue:

Yevarechecha Hashem

ve-yishmerecha. Ya'eir Hashem

panav eilecha viy-chuneka.

Yisa Hashem panav eilecha ve-yaseim lecha shalom.

May the Lord bless you and watch over you. May the Lord shine His face toward you and show you favor. May the Lord be favorably disposed toward you and may He grant you peace.

Afterward, it's nice to whisper something personal in each child's ear, praising some accomplishment in the week, like a good mark on a test or playing nicely with a kid brother. It's your moment with your child; use it as a way of connecting in your own personal way.

Friday Night Kiddush

(The first line is recited quietly to oneself.)

Va-yehi erev va-yehi

voker youm ha-shishi.

Va-yechulu ha-shamayim

ve-ha'aretz ve-chol tzeva'am.

Va-yechal Elokim ba-yom

ha-shevi'i melachto asher asah,

va-yishbot ba-yom ha-shevi'i mi-kol

melachto asher asah. Va-yevarech

Elokim et yom ha-shevi'i va-yekadeish oto,

ki vo shavat mi-kol melachto

asher bara Elokim la'asot.

It was evening and it was morning, the sixth day. So the heavens and the earth were finished, with all their complement. Thus, on the seventh day, G-d had completed His work which He had undertaken, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had been doing. Then G-d blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He ceased from all His creative work, which G-d had brought into being to fulfill its purpose.

Savri maranan ve-rabanan ve-rabotai:

Baruch atha Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

borei peri ha-gafen.

(Those present respond, "Amen.")

Your are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, creator of the fruit of vine.

Baruch atah Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

asher kideshanu be-mitzvotav

ve-ratzah banu, ve-Shabbat kodesho

be-ahava uve-ratzon hinchilanu, zikaron le-ma'aseh

vereishit. Ki hu yom techilah le-mikra'ei kodesh,

zeicher litziat mitzrayim. Ki vanu vecharta

ve-otanu kidashta mi-kol ha-amim,

ve-Shabbat kodshecha be-ahavah

uve-ratzon hinchaltanu.

Baruch atha Hashem,

mekadeish ha-Shabbat.

("Amein")

Your are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who made us holy with His commandments and favored us, and gave us His holy Shabbat, in love and favor, to be our heritage, as a reminder of the Creation. It is the foremost day of the holy festivals marking the exodus from Egypt. For - out of all the nations - You chose us and made us holy, and You gave us Your holy Shabbat, in love and favor, as our heritage. You are blessed, Lord, who sanctifies Shabbat.

Blessing over the Washing of the Hands

Baruch atha Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

asher kideshanu be-mitzvotav

ve-tzivanu al netilat yadayim.

You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who made us holy with His commandments and commanded us in the washing of the hands.

Ha-motzi - Blessing over the Bread

Baruch atah Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

ha-motzi lechem min ha-aretz.

("Amen")

Your are blessed, Lord our G-d, sovereign of the world, who brings forth bread from the earth.

Shabbat Day - Second Meal Kiddush

The following blessing is recited by the person making kiddush:

Ve-shamru venei Yisrael

et ha-Shabbat, la'asot et

ha-Shabbat le-dorotam

berit olam. Beini u-vein

benei Yisrael ot hi le-olam,

ki sheishet yamim asah Hashem

et ha-shamayim ve-et ha-araetz

uva-yom ha-shevi'i shavat va-yinafash.

Zachor et yom ha-Shabbat

le-kadesho. Sheishet yamim

ta'avod ve-asita kol melachtecha.

Ve'yom ha-shevi'i Shabbat la-Haschem

Elokecha, lo ta'aseh chol melachah atha

u-vincha u-vitecha avdecha va-amatcha

u-vehemtecha ve-geircha asher bi-she'arechea.

Ki sheishet yamim asah Hashem et

ha-shamayim ve-et ha-aretz et ha-yam

ve-et kol asher bam, va-yanach ba-yom ha-shevi'i,

Al kein berach Hashem et yojm

ha-Shabbat va-yekadsheiu.

The children of Israel should keep Shabbat, observing Shabbat throughout their generations, as an everlasting covenant. It is a sign between Me and the children of Israel for all time, that in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, and that on the seventh day He was finished and He rested.

Be mindful of Shabbat, to make it holy. You should labor for six days and do all your work, but the seventh day is Shabbat for the Lord your G-d. You may not do any creative work - neither you nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male or female worker, nor your cattle, nor the stranger who dwells among you. Because it was in six days that the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that they contain, and He rested on the seventh day.

That is why the Lord made Shabbat and made it holy.

Savri maranan ve-rabanan ve-rabotai:

For wine:

Baruch atah Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

borei peri ha-gafen.

Your are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, creator of the fruit of vine.

For other drinks:

Baruch ata Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

she-hakol nihyeh bi-devaro.

You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, through whose word everything came into being.

Havdalah

Holding the wine cup in the right hand (or left for "lefties") the first paragraph is said:

Hinei Keil yeshuati,

evtach ve-lo efchad,

ki ozi ve-zimrat kah Hashem,

va-yehi li lishuah. Ushe'avtem

mayim be-sason mi-ma'ainei

ha-yeshuah. La-Hashem ha-yeshuah,

al amcha birchatecha selah.

Hashem tzeva'kot imanu, misgav

lanu Elokei Ya'akov, selah. Hashem

tzeva'kot, ashrei adam botei'ach bach,

Hashem, hoshiah, ha'melech ya'aneinu

ve-yom kareinu. La-yehudim haytah ora

ve-simcha, ve-sason vikar. Kein tihyeh

lanu. Kos yeshuot esa, uve-sheim

Hashem ekra.

Behold G-d is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid. Indeed, the Lord is my strength and my song and He has become my salvation. You shall draw water with joy from the wells of salvation. Salvation belongs to the Lord; may Your blessings be upon Your people, Selah. The Lord of Hosts is with us, the G-d of Jacob is a refuge for us, Selah. Lord of Hosts, happy is the man who trusts in You. Lord, save us; may the King answer us on the day we call. "The Jews had radiance and happiness, joy and honor" - so may it be for us. I will lift up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord.

(Continue with the blessing over the wine)

Savri maranan ve-rabanan ve-rabotai:

For the wine:

Baruch atha Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

borei peri ha-gafen.

(Those present respond, "Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, creator of the fruit of the vine.

DO NOT DRINK THE WINE YET.

The cup is then passed to the left hand. The spice box (usually cloves or sweet pepper, not cinnamon since it is edible in spice form) is picked up with the right hand and the following blessing is recited:

For the spices:

Baruch atha Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

borei meinei vesamim.

("Amen")

You are blessed Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, creator of various kind of spices.

The leader then smells the spices and passes them around for all to do the same.

With the wine cup still in the left hand, the blessing over the fire (candle flame) is said:

For the flames:

Baruch atha Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

borei me'orei ha-eish.

("Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, creator of the lights of fire.

Everyone should now extend their arms toward the flame to create shadows and light on their hands (to take advantage of the light of the candle). The cup of wine is now passed back to the right hand for the concluding blessing:

Baruch atah Hashem,

Elokeinu melech ha-olam,

ha-mavdil bein kodesh le-chol,

bein or le-choshech, bein Yisrael la-amim,

bein yom ha-shevii le-sheishet

yemei ha-ma'aseh. Baruch atah Hashem,

ha-mavdil bein kodesh le-chol.

("Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our G-d, the sovereign of the world, who makes a distinction between sacred and secular, between light and darkness, between Israel and the other nations, between the seventh day and the six working days. You are blessed, Lord, who makes a distinction between the sacred and the secular.

The leader is then seated to drink at least 2 ounces of the liquid. The balance of the wine is used to extinguish the flame

Candle lighting After the recitation, many take special time to thank God for the many blessings of health, prosperity, and joy in their lives. There is also a special prayer composed by women, for women, which many include at this time:

Y'hi rotzon milfonecho, adonoy (Hebrew)...

elohi vaylohay avosai,

shet-chonayn osi (v'es

ishi v'es bonai) v'es kol k'rovai v'sashlim botaynu.

V'zakayni l'gadayl bonim uvnay

vonim chachomim um-irim

es ho-olom batorah

uvma-asim tovim v'ho-ayr

nayraynu shelo yichbeh l'olom

vo-ed. V'ho-ayr ponecho v'nivoshay-oh.

Omayn.

May it be your will, Lord my God and God of my fathers, to be gracious to me (and to my husband and children) and to all my family, crowning our home with the feeling of your divine presence dwelling among us. Make me worthy to raise learned children and grandchildren who will dazzle the world with Torah and goodness, and ensure that the glow of our lives will never be dimmed. Show us the glow of Your face and we will be saved. Amen.

It is a time to talk to God. So express anything that you wish, and ask for all that you desire. He wants to hear your prayers.

(1) Bringing the hands over the flames towards you signifies that you are drawing in the spirituality and holiness of Shabbat into your home and into your life. According to Jewish tradition, the number three represents commitment and strength. When a good act is performed three times, there is a sense of integration that takes place for the positive. And, conversely, when a transgression is made three times, there is a certain desensitization that takes place, numbing one to the negative.

(2) One usually recites a blessing and then performs the act (for example, saying kiddush, and then drinking the wine), but in this case it is reversed. That is because once the blessing is said, one is accepting Shabbat to be in, and then no fire can be lit, and thus no match struck. So here we do the opposite, covering the eyes so that after the blessing we open them as if to see the fulfillment of the commandment for the very first time.

HOW TO:

1. Even those who do not formally pray during the week often attend services on Shabbat. The Friday night service contains three sections:

i. Mincha (the afternoon service)

ii. Kabbalat Shabbat (literally, "Receiving the Shabbat")

iii. Ma'ariv (evening service)

2. Mincha consists primarily of the Shmonei Esrei, (the silent amidah), which literally means "Eighteen" for it was originally comprised of 18 blessings. It takes about 15 minutes to complete.

3. Kabbalat Shabbat is a special set of praises designed to create the proper atmosphere and attitude in preparation for Shabbat. In northern Israel centuries ago, Jewish mystics used to go into the fields as the sun set, singing the song "L'cha Dodi" to literally usher in the Shabbat. (The words to "L'cha Dodi" can be found at the end of this section.) This section of the service also takes about 15 minutes.

4. Ma'ariv is special for Shabbat and includes The Shema and The Silent Amidah. The Shema is the ultimate in Jewish prayer, beginning with our credo:

Shema Yisrael, Adonoy Elohaynu, Adonoy Echad"

"Hear Oh Israel, The Lord is God, The Lord is One"

It is said in our prayers every morning and evening, and even young children are taught to recite it before bedtime.

5. Traditionally, based primarily on practicality, few women attend services Friday night. There is always a last rush to put young children to bed, and complete the final preparations for Shabbat. However, if possible, it is always special to begin Shabbat in shul, with friends and family around you, and everyone's attendance is encouraged.

In the event that one cannot make it to shul, or more private prayer is preferred at home, most parts of the service can be said at home. The Artscroll siddur has laid out in great detail the procedure and explanation of prayer, and can easily be followed, with or without a congregation.

Remember-- prayer can be in any language, so choose one in which you feel most comfortable. However, try and brush up on the basics of Hebrew, as the songs and communal prayers can be even more inspiring when said as "one" with others.

SHALOM ALEYCHEM

There are seven gates to the soul-- two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, and a mouth. The Creator blessed the seventh day of the week and sanctified it. It is therefore fitting that the mouth-- which is the seventh gateway-- give praise, through song, prayer and Torah learning all through the day. Rabbi Moshe Azulai

The table is set with the finest china, crystal and silver. (When it comes to Shabbat, nothing is saved for "a special occasion", for this is the special occasion.) Those who went to shul have now returned, and the room is filled with the warm sounds of "Good Shabbos" greetings. Everyone is invited to the table, as we begin the meal with song.

Shalom Aleychem!-- the traditional greeting used when two Jews meet, and the name of the song that begins the Shabbat meal Friday night. Shalom Aleychem-- may peace be upon you.

Shalom...peace...from the Hebrew word "shalaym", which means complete.

On the most basic level, by singing this song, we are asking God to bless our home with peace; that there should be no conflict between friends or family members, especially on Shabbat.

Yet, on another level, we are asking for completeness; that we should truly feel that we lack nothing-- that the world is complete on Shabbat. We sit back in awe at this revelation. Our weekday work is done.

The only work now is the "work" of Shabbat, which is something much deeper and often much harder to attain, and that is working on one's self, on real completeness, which is the achievement of a more ideal sense of self.

This is achieved through the various aspects of Shabbat which draw each part of the individual into an integrated whole, moving forward as a unit. There is an incredible power in this, as everything from speech to food is utilized for one purpose: the achievement of one's true potential.

On Shabbat, one is no longer split. During the week there is the working you, the family you, the day-to-day you... But on Shabbat you are focused, with everything in harmony: family, learning, joy of life...

Shalom Aleychem.

SHALOM ALEYCHEM

Each verse is customarily sung three times:

Shalom alaychem mal-achay

hashorays mal-achay elyon,

mimelech malchay hamlochim

hakadosh boruch hu.

Bo-achem l'shalom mal-achay

hashalom mal-achay elyon,

mimelech malchay hamlochim

hakadosh boruch hu.

Borchuni l'shalom mal-achay

hashalom mal-achay elyon,

mimelech malchay hamlochim

hakadosh boruch hu.

Tzays'chem l'shalom mal-achay

hashalom ma-achay elyon,

mimelech malchay hamlochim

hakadosh boruch hu.

Welcome, ministering angels, messengers of the Most High, of the Supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

Come in peace, messengers of peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, of the Supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

Bless me with peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, of the Supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

And may your departure be in peace, messengers of peace, messengers of the Most High, of the supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

Singing the praises of The Almighty is especially appropriate for Shabbat. As it is written: "A psalm, a song for the Shabbat day. It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing to Your name, Most High." Psalm 92

EISHES CHAYIL

When I was about nine years old, my father and my uncle used to rise at midnight on Friday night and learn together until it was time for the morning prayers. I, too, would learn part of the night with them, and my righteous mother got up and learned Midrash (oral tradition) and the weekly Torah portion with the commentaries of the Malbim (19th century Torah scholar and philosopher) and the Ramban (Nachmonides). When she joined us, I felt the festiveness of the occasion. She would serve us hot coffee and special oven baked cakes, which were wondrously delicious. To be sure, the prime purpose of our early rising was to learn Torah, yet I cannot deny that those cakes played an important part in my eagerness to jump out of bed! Rabbi Dessler ; Michtav Me'Eliyahu

The Jewish woman.

If not for her, the Jewish people would still be enslaved in Egypt.(1)

The Jewish woman.

The one who received the Torah first from Moses.(2)

The Jewish woman.

Who, in the face of adversity, held steadfast to her trust in the Almighty, even when those around her (ie., the men), did not.(3)

The Jewish woman.

Who time and time again saved the Jewish people through her insightfulness, virtue, and belief in God. (4)

The Jewish woman.

In whose merit will come The Messiah and the final redemption of the Jewish people. (5)

The Jewish woman, who today is the one entrusted with the responsibility of maintaining the three mitzvot central to the Jewish home: Kashrut, Shabbat, and Mikvah.

If not for her, where would we be? There would be no home, no family, no purpose of being...no Jewish people.

On Friday night, she sits as the Queen of her table, while all those around her sing her praises. And rightly so.

She is the Ayshes Chayil, The Woman of Valour, who sets the tone of love, spirituality, and personal growth for all those around her.

To know her is to appreciate her strength and talents. And, just in case you would happen to forget, Ayshes Chayil is there as a weekly reminder.

It is found in The Book of Proverbs, and is widely accepted as being composed by King Solomon for his wife. But some say it dates as far back as Abraham, who is said to have composed it as a eulogy for his wife, Sarah. In fact, upon closer scrutiny, one can see deep allusions to Sarah's life and contribution to the Jewish people in its lines.

Sing it with feeling for your own Ayshes Chayil, or to the Ayshes Chayils that were the foundation of the Jewish people for thousands of years, and continue to be so today.

(1) When Pharoh decreed that all first born Jewish males should die, the men decided to refrain from relations with their wives so as not to bring any more children into this world. The women realized that God would indeed save them and bring them out of Egypt, so they went to their husbands in order to bring more Jewish children into the world. Their faith and foresight were said to have merited the redemption from Egypt by the entire Jewish people.

(2) After Moses received the Torah from God at Mt. Sinai, he offered it first to the Jewish women, for he knew that, if they accepted it, it would become part of the Jewish people for all time.

(3) While the Jewish people wandered through the desert, the men repeatedly complained to Moses and even asked to go back to Egypt. And, when Jewish spies were sent in to the Land of Israel and came back with reports of great dangers, it was the men who refused to enter. Forty years later, only the women of that generation merited entering the Land.

(4) There are many examples, one being Rebecca who helped disguise her son, Jacob so that her husband, Isaac, would bestow a blessing upon him and not Jacob's brother, Esau. She knew that it was Jacob who had the character to become the father of the Jewish people. Later, it was his 12 sons who led the 12 Tribes of Israel.

(5) The Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sotah, page 11 HOW TO

1. Although only a custom, Ayshes Chayil is sung at every Shabbat table throughout the world.

2. The men at the table sing for the women present.

3. If no women are present, Ayshes Chayil is still sung in praise of Jewish women everywhere.

4. If no men are present, the women sing it in praise of Jewish womanhood.

In other words...no matter what, sing Ayshes Chayil!

AYSHES CHAYIL

Ayshes cha-yil mi yimtzo

v'rochok mipninim michro.

Botach boh layv ba-loh

v'sholol lo yechsor.

G'molas-hu tov v'lo ro kol

y'may cha-yeho. Dorshoh tzemer

ufishtim vata-as b'chayfetz

kapeho. Hoysoh ko-oniyos

sochayr mimerchok tovi

lachmoh. Vatokom b'od

lailoh vatitayn teref l'vaysoh

v'chok l'na-aroseho. Zom'moh

sodeh vatikochayhu mipri

chapeho not-oh korem. Chogroh

v'oz mosneho vat-amaytz

z'ro-oseho. To-amoh ki tov

sachroh lo yichbeh balailoh

nayroh. Yodeho shilchoh

vakishor v'chapeho tomchu

folech. Kapoh porsoh le-oni

v'yodeho shilchoh lo-evyon.

Lo siro l'vaysoh misholeg

ki chol baysoh lovush shonim.

Marvadim os'soh loh shaysh

v'argomon l'vushoh. Nodo

bash-orim ba-loh b'shivto

im ziknay oretz. Sodin

os'soh vatimkor vachagor

nosnoh lakna-ani. Oz v'hodor

l'vushoh vatis-chak l'yom

acharon. Piho pos-choh

v'chachmoh v'soras chesed al

l'shonoh. Tzofiyoh halichos

baysoh v'lechem atzlus lo

sochayl. Komu voneho

vai-ashruoh ba-loh vai-hal'loh.

Rabos bonos osu choyil

v'at olis al kulonoh.

Sheker hachayn v'hevel hayofi

ishoh yir-as adonoy hi

sishalol. T'nu loh mipri

yodeho vihal'luho vash-orim

ma-aseho.

A Woman of Valour, who can find? She is more precious than corals. Her husband places his trust in her and only profits thereby. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks out wool and flax and cheerfully the work of her hands. She is like the trading ships, bringing food from afar. She gets up while it is still night to provide food for her household, and a fair share for her staff. She considers a field and purchases it and plants a vineyard with the fruit of her labors. She invests herself with strength and makes her arms powerful. She senses that her trade is profitable, her light does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her palms hold the spindle. She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She has no fear of the snow for her household, for all her household is dressed in fine clothing. She makes her own coverlets; her clothing is of fine linen and luxurious cloth. Her husband is known at the gates, where he sits with he elders of the land. She makes and sells linens; she supplies the merchants with sashes. She is robed in strength and dignity and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks after the conduct of her household and never tastes the bread of sloth. Her children rise up and make her happy; her husband praises her: "Many women have excelled, but you outshine them all!" Grace is elusive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears God--she shall be praised. Give her credit for the fruit of her labors and let her achievements praise her at the gates.

It is beautiful to bless your children every Friday night, a moment filled with love and meaning, especially when one understands the source behind such a tradition.

The Blessing for One's Sons

One of the Fathers of the Jewish people was Jacob, who had 12 sons who were to grow and become the leaders of the 12 tribes of Israel. The next to youngest son was Joseph, who was judged evil by his brothers and ended up in Egypt, later to be reunited with his family after they realized their judgement was wrong.

Joseph had two sons, Ephraim and Menasha.

Just before Jacob, Our Father, dies, he calls all of his sons to him for a final blessing that will recognize their essence, award each a portion of the Land of Israel, and indicate what role they will play in the future of the Jewish people.

As a special reward to Joseph, who remained righteous throughout his ordeal of exile, he calls forward his two sons, Ephraim and Menasha, and gives them a special blessing, as well as two portions of the Land of Israel:

On that day Jacob blessed them. He said, "In time to come, Israel (the Jewish people) will use you as a blessing. They will say, 'May God make you like Ephraim and Menasha.'" Genesis, Chapter 48, Parsha VaYechi

Jacob's blessing was that they should be a blessing; an example to the Jewish people for all time. From that day forward, they would become role models for Jewish children everywhere, as they represented qualities to emulate eternally.

What were these qualities?

Ephraim and Menasha were the first brothers among our forefathers to live without rivalry. Before them came Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and, of course, the brothers and Joseph-- all relationships fraught with conflict and competition.

Ephraim and Menasha were brothers who lived in harmony, for their life focus was not one of self, but rather of good for their community and people. Decisions were not based on "What is good for me?", but "What is good for the Jewish people?" Petty concerns of ego were cast aside in favor of something greater.

In addition, of the 12 sons and their families, they were the only ones to be born outside of Israel, (when their father was in Egypt), yet still remained steadfast in their commitment to Judaism.

Thus the qualities exhibited by these two boys, that of being united in their quest for the good of all, as well as possessing the strength of character to maintain Jewish values in a non-Jewish environment, became the benchmark for raising Jewish children even millenia later.

The Blessing for One's Daughters

Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah...the mothers of the Jewish people. Each one possessed unique qualities that played essential roles in the strength and future of the nation. Yet there was something that they all shared, something that Jewish women for all time would strive to emulate.

Each one lived a life in recognition that the ultimate in fulfillment is enabling others to realize their potentials as individuals as members of the Jewish people. They recognized that in the power of relationship comes the ultimate in life's purpose.

The Torah is filled with accounts of these women, recording their insight, giving, sensitivity, leadership and special ability to inspire others. One example of this is the story of Rachel and Leah.

Rachel and Leah were sisters, and one day into their lives stepped Jacob, destined to be one of the fathers of the Jewish people.

Jacob fell in love with Rachel and asked her father, Laban, for her hand in marriage. He promised it, and yet, at the last minute told his daughters that it would be Leah who would marry Jacob instead.

Rachel could have reacted with resentment and jealousy, but instead helped Leah to marry Jacob, for she recognized that her sister needed to do this in order to fulfill her life's purpose and to become one of the mothers of the Jewish people.

This very act of selfless giving, where the other person's needs, (that may be just as important as our own), take priority, is the quality that Rachel, and the other mothers of the Jewish people, truly exemplified.

But it wasn't all so self-sacrificing, for Rachel knew that doing the right thing, enabling Leah to step into her place, was the ultimate in her own fulfillment. For when we give to others who need us and help them to realize their potentials, it fulfills our own needs and our own desires to grow.

We see this in our relationships today, whether it be friends, family, partners or children... When the needs of others are our priority, our own sense of self is heightened immeasurably, and our relationships becoming worlds of giving, where love and self-esteem flourish.

These women, sensitive, insightful and self-sacrificing, all shared a special relationship with The Almighty, and used the gifts that He gave them for the good of others and the Jewish people.

When we bless our daughters Friday night, we are asking God to endow them with the qualities of their foremothers, and we remind ourselves what real giving is all about.

HOW TO

1. There are different customs in different homes. Some people get up and go to their children's place, others have the children come to them. In some homes the father gives the blessing to each child, in others it is both parents.

2. In either case, the hands are placed on the child's head and the following blessing is recited appropriate for the girl or boy:

(If the child is not present, the blessing is still recited, as one does not have to be there to be blessed...Or, as someone once said, blessings are like Superman, they go through walls)

BLESSING OF THE CHILDREN

For a son:

Y'simcho elohim

k'efrayim v'chimnasheh.

May God make you like Ephraim and Menasha.

For a daughter:

Y'simaych elohim k'soroh,

rivkoh, rochayl v'lay-oh.

May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.These women, sensitive, insightful and self-sacrificing, all shared a special relationship with The Almighty, and used the gifts that He gave them for the good of others and the Jewish people.

When we bless our daughters Friday night, we are asking God to endow them with the qualities of their foremothers, and we remind ourselves what real giving is all about.

Sanctify the Sabbath by choice meals, by beautiful garments, delight your soul with pleasure, and I will reward you for this very pleasure. D'vorim Rabbah

Act I, Scene I. Kiddush.

This is where it all begins, with the first meal, and the first blessing over the wine. These words, more than any others, are going to set the pace for Shabbat.

And what is it that we say--

"...so the heavens and the earth were finished..."

God is Creator.

And since part of our very definition of God being One is that He has no needs, then this act of creation must be one with no desire for return. It is an act of giving based on the purest love.

We get a taste of it in our own lives when we give to a newborn baby. In the first stages, there is nothing the baby can give back to us (except spit-up and dirty diapers), and yet we continue to give, and our love continues to grow.

If one gives charity anonymously, helping others who will never know that it came from you is a similar feeling of giving without any agenda; without ever expecting anything in return.

And then the kiddush continues:

"..(He) made us holy...favored us...gave us His

holy Shabbat...marking the exodus from Egypt..."

Who is this Creation for? It is for us.

He created the world for us, gave us Shabbat, took us out of Egypt, and made us special.

The message is clear: God loves me. God created the world for me.

The word kiddush is from the same root as kedusha or kodesh--to make holy; to elevate the physical to a level of spirituality. It is part of our challenge in this world to take the physical pleasures that The Almighty has provided and use them for a higher purpose.

Let's face it, we can use the physical or abuse it. We can drink wine to excess and fall down drunk, or we can take it, pour it into a silver cup, and say a blessing over it, designating that the next 24 hours are special; 24 hours of experiencing the more refined things in life: friends, nature, singing, discussion, prayer...

We use wine-- to not only intellectually and emotionally "taste" the words that we're speaking, to also physically "taste".

And wine brings joy. What greater joy could there possibly be than knowing that God is there, watching over all that He created with love.

The curtain is rising, and Shabbat begins.

HOW TO

Kiddush does not have to be said in Hebrew. Whoever is making kiddush should know that it is perfectly acceptable to say it in English or any other language.

From the time the sun sets (or, for a woman, once the candles are lit), until after kiddush is made, one should not eat or drink anything.

The procedure is as follows:

i) The table should be set with both challahs on the table, covered on top and below.

ii) A special cup, (or any cup, as long as it is not disposable like styrofoam), holding at least 4 1/2 ounces (most kiddush cups hold about 5 ounces), should be used and filled to the rim (our joy should be "full").

Any kosher wine or grape juice (considered like wine), can be used.

iii) The one making kiddush should have in mind that the others present are being included in all the blessings, thus kiddush is being made on their behalf. Likewise, those present should have in mind the same. It is preferable to also keep in mind that, by reciting kiddush, one is fulfilling a Torah commandment.

iv) There are different customs regarding whether one stands or sits while making kiddush. If you don't have a family custom, the choice is yours! Just be consistent from week to week, and all those present will do a little "Simon Says" and follow your lead.

v) Those being included in kiddush should be sure to answer "Amen" after the blessing of the wine ("boray p'ri hagofen") and after the concluding blessing that follows.(1)

vii) When the blessings are complete, everyone should be seated, (if you weren't already). The one who led the blessings then drinks about 2 ounces of the wine or grape juice in one or two gulps (this is no time to savor and sip). The balance of the kiddush cup wine or grape juice is then distributed in little glasses, or cups, to all those who were included in kiddush (they need only to have a taste).(2)

(1) We do not speak between the saying of a blessing and the fulfillment of the blessing. Thus each person present refrains from speaking until they taste a sip of the wine or grape juice. The person making kiddush should remind everyone of this beforehand, to avoid uncomfortable nodding and shaking of heads when someone asks a question or makes a comment.

(2) If there are many people at your Shabbat table, you can add grape juice or wine to the remaining liquid in the original kiddush cup, and then distribute it around.

 

Q&A

I'VE SEEN PEOPLE STANDING FOR KIDDUSH ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AND SITTING ON SHABBAT DAY...WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Standing and sitting for kiddush is all custom. Some people stand on Friday night while making kiddush because, Friday night, we are like witnesses to the "coming in" of Shabbat. And, just as witnesses stand when giving testimony, so do we stand when making kiddush. On Shabbat day there is no "coming in" to witness, so some people choose to make kiddush while seated.

Other people sit both Friday night and Shabbat day.

You can adopt whatever custom you feel comfortable doing. Just be consistent and don't change week to week.

I DON'T THINK PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE DRINKING WINE FROM THE GLASS THAT I JUST DRANK FROM. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

To avoid germs, try this method:

The person making kiddush should recite all of the blessings, but before drinking at the end, spill about 4 ounces of the liquid into another cup or wine glass; then drink from that new cup.

Take the original liquid from the first cup and pour some into smaller cups to pass around. (If there isn't enough, add more wine or grape juice before pouring.)

I WANT TO HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS OVER FRIDAY NIGHT AND IT WOULD TAKE FOREVER TO PASS AROUND KIDDUSH, LET ALONE WAIT ALL THAT TIME WITHOUT TALKING.

When there are a lot of people present, pre-pour wine into everyone's glass. After kiddush is said by the host or hostess, everyone drinks from their own glass.

 

WHY DOES THE PERSON MAKING KIDDUSH HAVE TO DRINK SO MUCH AFTER MAKING THE BLESSING?

The two ounces should be swallowed right after making the blessing in order to fulfill the commandment of "drinking" kiddush wine. Drinking, according to the Talmud, constitutes at least a "cheekfull", or approximately two ounces. Only the person making kiddush on behalf of everyone present need do this.

 

FRIDAY NIGHT KIDDUSH

(The first line is recited quietly to one's self)

Vai-hi erev vai-hi voker

yom hashishi.

Vai-chulu hashoma-yim v'ho-oretz

v'chol tz'vo-om. Vai-chal

elohim bayom hashvi-i

m'lach'to asher osoh,

va-yishbos ba-yom hashvi-i

mikol m'lach'to asher

osoh. Vai-vorech elohim

es yom hashvi-i vai-kadaysh

oso, ki vo shovas mikol

m'lach'to asher boro

elohim la-asos.

It was evening and it was morning, the sixth day. So the heavens and the earth were finished, with all their complement. Thus, on the seventh day, God had completed His work which He had undertaken, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had been doing. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He ceased from all His creative work, which God had brought into being to fulfill its purpose.

Sovray moronon v'rabanon v'rabosai:

Boruch atoh adonoy,

elohaynu melech ho-olom,

boray p'ri hagofen.

(Those present respond, "Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world, creator of the fruit of the vine.

Boruch atoh adonoy,

elohaynu melech ho-olom,

asher kidshonu b'mitzvosov

v'rotzoh vonu, v'shabbas kodsho

b'ahavoh uvrotzon hinchilonu,

zikoron l'ma-asayh v'rayshis.

Ki hu yom t'chiloh

l'mikro-ay kodesh, zaycher

litzi-as mitzroyim. Ki vonu

vocharto v'osonu kidashto

mikol ho-amim, v'shabbas

kodsh'cho b'ahavoh uvrotzon

hinchaltonu. Boruch atoh adonoy,

m'kadaysh hashabbat.

("Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world, who made us holy with his commandments and favored us, and gave us His holy Shabbat, in love and favor, to be our heritage, as a reminder of the Creation. It is the foremost day of the holy festivals marking the exodus from Egypt. For-- out of all the nations-- You chose us and made us holy, and You gave us Your holy Shabbat, in love and favor, as our heritage. You are blessed, Lord, who sanctifies Shabbat.

WASHING FOR BREAD

The concept of holiness appears first in the Torah with reference to Shabbat. This is to teach us that Shabbat is the root and foundation of all holiness in the world. Be'er Moshe

The candles are flickering, Shalom Aleychem and Ayshes Chayil have been sung, and kiddush has been made for all those gathered around the beautiful Sabbath table.

Now it is time to begin the meal. But first, we are invited by the host to step into the kitchen to wash our hands in preparation for the eating of the challah.

No, this is not a call for cleanliness, but an important step that will lead us to "Hamotzie", the blessing that is said over the bread.

Before explaining this simple action, we need to understand some Jewish symbolism:

Water--symbolic of Torah; wisdom. Water is the essence of physical life, for without it we would die. Whereas wisdom is the essence of spiritual life, the foundation of self-growth and realization.

Hands--symbolize our interaction in the physical world.

Bread--(the challahs), symbolize physical sustenance; the staff of life.

Judaism is based on the principle that actions are rooted in understanding, and the combination results in the pleasure of positive and meaningful interaction.

On Shabbat, the action of washing to begin the meal achieves just that--an action that connects us to ourselves, to others, and to our understanding of life.

We take the water and pour it twice over each hand (see "How To" to follow)-- that's the action. The understanding is that I want all my interactions in the physical world-- creative or destructive-- to be done with wisdom.

Everything I do with my hands: to write; to touch; to communicate-- should be done in a wise, meaningful way. I should have "wise" hands.

And it is a reminder that tonight our table is holy, like an altar. Just as the High Priests in the Temple so long ago prepared themselves for eating from the altar by washing, so do we wash before our meal.

It is a unique pleasure to perform a simple act that represents something so meaningful.

HOW TO

Having made kiddush, it is time to "break bread" and begin the Shabbat meal. The first stage is to perform the special washing necessary for eating bread:

1. Before washing, make sure the challahs, challah knife, challah cover and salt are all on the table.

2. In the kitchen, hand towels should be laid out for guests to dry their hands after washing.

3. Use a special washing cup: a large, two-handled cup, (see page ___); or a regular glass without handles, providing the top rim has no indentations or spout, and holds at least 5 ounces.

4. Hold the cup in your right hand while filling it with water from the tap.

5. Pass the cup to your left hand and then pour a good amount of water over the right, pouring twice so that you're able to soak the hand on both sides from the wrist down. You want every area of the hand to be wet.

6. Now pass the cup to your right hand and repeat on the left side. (Refill the cup if necessary.)

7. After the hands have been washed, they should be held upwards, so that the water drips towards the wrist and not the fingers. The blessing is then recited:

BLESSING OVER THE WASHING OF THE HANDS

Boruch atoh adonoy,

elohaynu melech ho-olom,

asher kidshonu b'mitzvosov

v'tzivonu al nitilas yadayim.

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world, who made us holy with his commandments and commanded us in the washing of the hands.

8. The hands are dried, and one returns to the table, careful not to speak until hamotzie is recited and the bread is passed and eaten.

9. The one who recited hamotzie on behalf of others should wash last so as not to have a gap of time between washing and saying the blessing.

Q&A

WHY DO WE POUR WATER ON THE RIGHT HAND FIRST?

According to Jewish tradition, the right means "straight", as in heading in the right direction. You will notice many other areas where this comes up, including the custom of a bride and groom beginning their walk down the aisle with their right feet.

When we are washing, we begin by pouring water over our right hand. This indicates that we are beginning the night directed, with a desire to stay on track towards our goals for the Sabbath.

WHY DO WE RAISE OUR HANDS AFTER WASHING, LETTING THE WATER DRIP TOWARDS OUR WRISTS?

In the blessing for the washing it says, "...al nitilas yadayim", which literally means "..in the raising up of the hands". We are elevating our hands spiritually. Thus, when we recite the blessing, we customarily elevate our hands physically in order to get in touch with this concept.

HAMOTZIE - THE BLESSING AND EATING OF THE BREAD

And it came to pass that on the sixth day they gathered twice as much bread (lechem mishneh), two omers for each person, and all the rulers of the congregation came and told Moses. And he said to them, "This is what the Lord said, 'Tomorrow is the rest of the holy Shabbat of the Lord. Bake that which you will bake (today), cook that which you will cook (today), and that which remains leave over until the morning.'"

And they left it over until the morning, as Moses commanded, and it did not spoil. And Moses said, "Eat it today for today is the Sabbath of the Lord. Today you shall not find it in the field. Six days shall you gather it but the seventh day is Shabbat-- there shall be none." Exodus 16

At each Shabbat meal, we place on the table two whole loaves of bread, covered with a cloth.

It is called "Lechem Mishneh"; "Two Breads". Their place at our meal reminds us of where we come from, why we are here, and where we are going.

All this from two loaves of bread?

When God brought the Jewish people out of Egypt thousands of years ago, they spent many years in the desert on their way to The Land of Israel.

Their survival during this time was totally from The Almighty. He made sure there would always be water (from Miriam's well), and protection (they were surrounded by Clouds of Glory and a wall of fire). And for food there was "Mann", a crystal-like substance that fell from the heavens each day.

The Jews had to simply scoop it up and eat it, and it is said that it had a taste of whatever the person desired.

And there was a promise: so that there would be no need to gather the Mann on Shabbat, God said that on Friday afternoon--erev Shabbat--a double portion would fall. And so it did.

This is where we come from. Go back enough generations, and your ancestors and mine were wandering the desert towards Mt. Sinai, readying themselves to receive the Torah from God. Before the great event could even occur, they were receiving God's goodness each day, as He provided Mann for each person; double portions for every Shabbat.

All of this took place in the desert, a place of emptiness. At each Shabbat meal, we too begin with a sense of emptiness. Not the emptiness of having nothing, but the emptiness of being ready to receive everything-- food for physical sustenance, and words of wisdom for spiritual fulfillment.

It is why we are here: to receive everything that is good. On Shabbat we focus in on that and make sure that we try and make each moment, each word, each thought, the finest possible in order to fill the desert; to see our personal deserts.

And where are we going?

During the six days of the week we are involved with the physical world, and our sense of future or of security is often manifested in the physical; in things that are temporal.

Shabbat is a day detached from the physical, (as an end). It is a day attached to eternity; to permanence... to God.

And, just as we had to trust that God would provide for us in the desert at Sinai, today we have to learn to trust again. We have to know that it is God that is providing for us each and every day, and that if we get in touch with that, we will know that our futures are also in His hands.

And why do we cover the challahs atop a challah board? Because, in the desert, the Mann fell with a covering of dew, on top and below. The dew was a sort of preservative, as well as insuring that the freshness would be intact, so that the taste would be new and stimulating.

The three meals on Shabbat are each special, each able to achieve something unique. When we make hamotzie with the challah cover draped over the two loaves, we remind ourselves that we need to instill into our consciousness a sense of wonder and freshness that the morning dew represents.

I am awakening.

Enjoy the special hush that falls over the table as the covered challahs are lifted, the blessing is recited, and once again, the physical and spiritual are one.

HOW TO

1. Everyone, having washed for bread, is now seated at the table. Just as in kiddush, the leader should have in mind that he is making the blessing for all those at the table, and everyone should have intention for this.

2. The challahs on the table should be covered on top and below. (for example, challah board on bottom, challah cover on top)

3. The leader picks up both challahs. They should be held back-to-back, with the bottom one slightly closer to the person. Some leave the challah cover on during the blessing, while others remove it at this point.

4. The following blessing is recited. Upon saying God's name (Adonoy), the challahs are raised slightly:

 

BLESSING OVER THE BREAD

Boruch atoh adonoy, (Hebrew)

elohaynu melech ho-olom,

hamotzi lechem min ho-oretz.

("Amen")

You are blessed, Lord our God, sovereign of the world, who brings forth bread from the earth.

 

5. Cut or tear the challah into pieces. Each slice or piece should be equivalent to about one full slice of regular bread.

6. The person who recited the blessing should take a slice first, dip it in some salt (1), take a bite, dip the other slices in salt, and pass them around for others to follow.

(Just as in kiddush, we do not speak until we swallow a bite of bread, so there is no interruption between the blessing and what the blessing was intended for. )

One should eat at least the equivalent to one slice in order to be able to "bentch" (say The Grace After the Meal)

Note: If you do not have two challahs, two whole "loaves" of anything can be used. For example, you could use two whole bagels, two whole matzohs, two whole rolls. Or try a combination: one bagel and one challah...one matzoh and one roll...and so on.

(1) Your Shabbat table is considered like your own personal altar. And, just as the altar in the Temple in Jerusalem was used for offerings to God, so do we laden our table with the finest in honor of God's presence. And, just as the offerings were salted before being eaten, we dip our bread in salt on Shabbat. The only exception is during the weeks from Rosh HaShana to the end of Sukkos. Then the bread is dipped in honey, for a sweet New Year.

Q&A

WHY DOES ONE LIFT THE CHALLAHS DURING THE BLESSING?

Upon saying God's name (Adonoy), we lift both challahs, for the blessing is about recognizing the source of this bread, and of all our blessings. The Source is God, and we emphasize it by lifting the bounty that He provides, (in this case the challahs), when reciting His name.

The Sabbath reunites body and soul because physical gratification and enjoyment enter the realm of mitzvah. The struggle between the spiritual and the physical ceases on the day of rest. Shabbat is the great peacemaker between body and soul; therefore we say "Shabbat Shalom"-- a Shabbat of Peace. Ben Ish Hai

Z'MIROT - SONGS FOR SHABBAT

One should sing and rejoice in the Sabbath as it says, "The statutes of The Almighty are just, gladdening the heart." Therefore it has become customary to sing songs and praises at the Shabbat meals. Certainly this honors Shabbat, as it befitting to rejoice with royalty as it arrives and departs. Commentary on Yeish Nochalim

Let's face it, unless it's somebody's birthday, when do people sit around singing together?

Yet singing is fun, kids love it, and for everyone it's a real release. And when it's done on Shabbat, it can be another extension of the tremendous pleasure that Shabbat has to offer.

We can even understand the pleasure of singing from a look at the Hebrew language. "Lizmore" means "to sing", sharing the same root as the word "zimore" which means "to prune". The fact that they come from the same word is no accident.

When we prune a bush we are removing old, dead growth that is inhibiting its growth; we're shaping the bush to bring out its own beauty. The same thing happens to us with song.

When we sing, we "prune" away the excess baggage that we carry around, revealing our essence. The harmony of music releases the disharmony within us.

Thus we fill Shabbat with song. We revel in the pleasure of getting rid of the excess; the disharmonious things that have accumulated during the past six days, leaving us, as Shalom Aleychem, the first song of Shabbat says, with a feeling of shalom--- peace.

D'VAR TORAH - A WORD OF TORAH

Shabbat is especially conducive to teaching Torah, since the Torah was given by God to Israel on Shabbat. The Skulener Rebbe

Imagine someone walking into your dining room at this moment. With kiddush and hamotzie complete, how would that person know that this meal was more than just a dinner party?

They wouldn't, if it were not for two important elements: the singing, as discussed in the previous chapter, and the D'var Torah-- The "Word of Torah".

Shabbat is the celebration of creation. It is a day that we recognize that The Almighty has a given us a wondrous gift-- a world filled with pleasure.

The challenge of humanity is: how does one extract this pleasure for the ultimate life experience?

By reading the manual.

A pilot does not jump into the cockpit of a 747, turn the keys and fly. He studies, reads the manual, slowly absorbs the material, tests it out, and eventually reaches tremendous heights.

So, too, it is with life. God did not create the world, throw us into the "driver's seat" and then neglect to give us the instructions on how to drive.

The word Torah means instructions. It is referred to as "Torat Chaim"-- Instructions for Living. It is not just a history of our people, or a meaningless bunch of "bible stories". It is the instruction manual that, read properly, can give us the key to all the pleasures of life.

It is a book of wisdom that has application to our lives today; to help us be better people, better spouses, friends, children, parents. To help us get the most out of this world, we look into something timeless; something practical and relevant. We look to the Torah.

HOW TO

D'var Torah literally means "The Word of Torah", and is usually a short talk on the Parsha-- Torah Portion of the Week (1), though it can be about anything meaningful and Jewish. Perhaps a holiday is approaching, or a significant Jewish celebration, such as a wedding or a bris. Discuss the meaning and traditions of the event, and how we can appreciate and grow from it.

If chosen well, it should be the springboard to a lively discussion at the table, with questions welcome from everyone, young and old. You will often see people pulling reference books from the shelves to find passages to back up their opinions.

Children who attend Jewish school will often bring home "Parsha Sheets", with questions concerning this week's Torah portion. It can turn the table into a quiz show, with parents asking the questions, giving out prizes of sweets for correct answers or "good tries" ...from the kids, and the guests. Everyone can get into the act, and everyone is bound to learn something.

To know which Parsha of the week it happens to be, ask your local Rabbi or teacher, or simply look on a Jewish calendar. Along with candlelighting times, these calendars (available at your local Jewish bookstore, or free some Jewish grocers and butchers), also list the name of each week's Parsha.

Try and read the Parsha every week in Hebrew or in English. Many people experience an incredible feeling of strength, knowing that thousands upon thousands of Jews, all over the world, are reading that exact same Parsha. An excellent translation of the Torah (The Five Books of Moses), is "The Living Torah" by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. It is written in a very relatable English, without all the "thees" and "thous".

There are a number of excellent books available that give some relevant thoughts on the Parsha of the week. Reading a paragraph or two aloud at the table is a good way to spark conversation, or just read ahead yourself and present the ideas informally to your family and guests. The best book on the market is "Growth Through Torah", by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. .

(1) The Torah is divided into 54 portions, called "parshas", with one portion read each week in synagogue Shabbat morning. Occasionally there are weeks with double portions.

SHIR HAMALOS - FESTIVE SONG PRECEDING THE GRACE AFTER MEALS

On Shabbat and Yom Tov, and other occasions of celebration, we begin with the singing of "Shir Hamalos", just before the bentching (from the Yiddish, meaning "blessings"). This psalm was composed by King David, and speaks of the Jewish people's ultimate return from exile to the Land of Israel.

There are many tunes to Shir Hamalos, and if you're not familiar with them, try just about any tune. It's one of those songs that works with just about anything. "Hatikvah" (Israel's National Anthem), is perfect!

There is also a traditional tune for the rest of the bentching that helps people familiarize themselves with the Hebrew. But remember, God understands English and all languages. So feel free to express your thanks in the language in which you feel most comfortable.

Shir hama-los, b'shuv adonoy

es shivas tziyon hoyinu

k'cholmim. Oz yimolay

s'chok pinu ulshonaynu rinoh,

oz yom'ru vagoyim higdil

adonoy la-asos im ayleh.

Higdil adonoy la-asos imonu

hoyinu s'maychim. Shuvoh adonoy

es sh'visaynu ka-afikim

banegev. Hazor-im b'dim-oh

b'rinoh yiktzoru. Holoch yaylaych

uvochoh nosay meshech hazora,

bo yovo v'rinoh nosay

alumosov.

A Song of Ascents. When the Lord brought Zion out of captivity, we were like people in a dream. At the time our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with cries of joy; at the time it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them." The Lord had done great things for us; we were happy. Let our captivity, Lord, be a thing of the past, like dried-up streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. The man who weeps as he trails the seed along will return with cries of joy, carrying his sheaves.

MAYIM ACHRONIM - "AFTER WATERS"

With the meal at a conclusion, it is time to thank God for our sustenance and for all the blessings in our life.

Yet, before we bentch (the saying of the Grace After Meals), we clean our fingertips. This is a small ceremony called "Mayim Achronim", which literally means "After Waters", or, as some call it, a "Jewish fingerbowl".

If one is attending a Shabbat meal at a traditional home, there will be other customs apparent at this point. Men who have removed their jackets during the meal will often put them back on, for there is a general feeling of formality about the next step.

Our blessings and thanks at the end of the meal are directed toward God. He is King, and just as one would dress in one's best if going before royalty, so does one act appropriately when addressing The Almighty.

Before we handle anything physically precious-- a silver goblet, a newborn baby, a priceless artifact, we make sure our hands are clean. It is a recognition that physical objects can have tremendous value.

Mayim Achronim recognizes the tremendous value of the spiritual. Thus, before we approach God and get in touch with all that He has given us; we clean our hands, respectfully don our jackets, and give thanks.

 

HOW TO

After the singing of "Shir Hamalos", one of the hosts will go to the kitchen and fill a small container with water. There are beautiful sets that can be purchased for this purpose, coming in a wide variety of styles--- a wishing well with the water held in a little bucket...silver cup and saucer sets...those made of brass...

But all that is really needed is a simple cup and small bowl.

1. Fill the cup with water, set it in a small bowl, and bring it to the table.

2. Pass it around to those present, with each person pouring a little bit of water over their fingertips (from the middle knuckle down), over the bowl.

3. When everyone has washed, remove the cup and bowl from the table before bentching. (The used water is considered "unclean".)

BIRKAT HAMAZON - GRACE AFTER MEALS

Appreciation brings joy. When someone gives you a present, the appreciation of the gift is directly linked to how much you know about it. What is it, where is it from, how was it made, and who is giving it to you..?

Someone gives you a sweater. Beautiful. The wool is from Ireland. Stunning. It was made by hand. Amazing. The person giving it to you is the one who made it...and that person is your best friend.

You can imagine how much this sweater would be appreciated.

The more knowledge you have about the source of the gift, the more it can be appreciated, and the more joy it will bring.

And that is why, in Judaism, we take the time to say blessings.

"Baruch atah..." is the familiar start to the many blessings that we say. "Baruch" is Hebrew for blessed, so it seems that we are continually blessing God. Does God really need our blessings?

"Baruch" is from the same root as "braycha", which means spring, where water comes from. Their connection is that they are both about "source".

When we say a bracha, a blessing, we are acknowledging that everything has a source, and that source is God. We are thanking Him, for He is the source of everything.

When we bentch (recite the Grace After Meals), we are appreciating that this food came from Him, and that gives the enjoyment of the meal a whole new meaning. We recognize that we are truly blessed, and give thanks. The act of thanking helps us recognize the source of this blessing. This recognition brings appreciation, and appreciation brings joy.

God does not need our blessings. We need our blessings, for they get us back in touch with the root if it all. That knowledge of source is the foundation for the ultimate in happiness.

A good meal now becomes a connection to The Eternal.

HOW TO

When three or more men have eaten together, one invites the others to join him in the Blessing after the Meal:

2. Rabosai n'voraych.

My friends, let us say the blessing.

The others answer

Y'hi shaym adonoy may-atoh

v'ad olom.

May the name of the Lord be blessed from now and forever more.

The leader repeats

Y'hi shaym adonoy m'voroch may-atoh

v'ad olom.

May the name of the Lord be blessed from now and forever more.

and he continues

Birshus

If his father is present he adds

ovi mori

If he is a guest at someone else's table he adds

ba'al habayis

moronon v'rabanon v'rabosai n'voraych

If there are ten men present he adds

elohaynu

she-ochalnu mishelo

 

 

With the consent of (my honored father and) (our host and) all present, let us bless Him (our God) whose food we have eaten.

The others say

Boruch (elohaynu) she-ochalnu

mishelo uvtuvo choyinu.

Blessed is He (our God) whose food we have eaten and through those goodness we live.

Individuals begin here:

3. Boruch atoh adonoy, elohaynu

melech ho-olom, hazon es

ho-olom kulo b'tuvo b'chayn

b'chesed uvrachamim hu

nosayn lechem l'chol bosor, ki

l'olom chasdo. Uv'tuvo

hagodol tomid lo chosar

lonu v'al yechsar lonu mozon

l'olom vo-ed. Ba-avur sh'mo

hagodol ki hu ayl zon

umfarnays lakol umaytiv lakol

umaychin mozon l'chol b'riyosov

asher boro. Boruch atoh

adonoy, hazon es hakol.

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world, who provides food for the entire world in his goodness, with grace, kindness and mercy; He supplies bread for all living beings, for His kindness is everlasting. Because of His great goodness, we have never lacked food, nor will we ever lack it-- on account of His great name-- since He is God who feeds and provides for all and is good to all, and who supplies food for all His creatures which He brought into being. You are blessed, Lord, who provides food for all.

4. Nodeh l'cho adonoy elohaynu al

shehinchalto la-avosaynu eretz

chemdoh tovoh urchovoh,

v'al shehotzaysonu adonoy

elohaynu may-eretz mitzra-yim

ufdisonu mibays avodim,

v'al b'ris'cho shechosamto

bivsoraynu, v'al toros-cho

shelimadtonu, v'al chukecho

shelhodo-tanu, v'al cha-yim chayn

vochesed shechonantonu, v'al

achilas mozon sho-atoh zon

umfarnays osonu tomid

b'chol yom uvchol aysmelech ho-olom, hazon es

ho-olom kulo b'tuvo b'chayn

b'chesed uvrachamim hu

nosayn lechem l'chol bosor, ki

l'olom chasdo. Uv'tuvo

hagodol tomid lo chosar

lonu v'al yechsar lonu mozon

l'olom vo-ed. Ba-avur sh'mo

hagodol ki hu ayl zon

umfarnays lakol umaytiv lakol

umaychin mozon l'chol b'riyosov

asher boro. Boruch atoh

adonoy, hazon es hakol.

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world, who provides food for the entire world in his goodness, with grace, kindness and mercy; He supplies bread for all living beings, for His kindness is everlasting. Because of His great goodness, we have never lacked food, nor will we ever lack it-- on account of His great name-- since He is God who feeds and provides for all and is good to all, and who supplies food for all His creatures which He brought into being. You are blessed, Lord, who provides food for all.

4. Nodeh l'cho adonoy elohaynu al

shehinchalto la-avosaynu eretz

chemdoh tovoh urchovoh,

v'al shehotzaysonu adonoy

elohaynu may-eretz mitzra-yim

ufdisonu mibays avodim,

v'al b'ris'cho shechosamto

bivsoraynu, v'al toros-cho

shelimadtonu, v'al chukecho

shelhodo-tanu, v'al cha-yim chayn

vochesed shechonantonu, v'al

achilas mozon sho-atoh zon

umfarnays osonu tomid

b'chol yom uvchol ays

uvchol sho-oh.

We thank You, Lord our God, for having given the heritage of a lovely, fine and spacious land to our fathers, and for having brought us out, Lord our God, from Egypt, and for rescuing us from slavery, and also for Your covenant which You sealed in our flesh, as well as for Your Torah which You taught us, and Your laws of which You told us, and for the life, grace and kindness You have granted us, and for the food which You supply and provide for us constantly, every day, all the time, and at every hour.

7. V'al hakol adonoy elohaynu

anachnu modim loch

umvorchim osoch yisborach

shimcho b'fi chol chai tomid

l'olom vo-ed. Kakosuv,

v'ochalto v'sovo-to uvayrachto

es adonoy elohecho al ho-oretz

hatovoh asher nosan loch.

Boruch atoh adonoy, al ho-oretz

v'al hamozon.

So for everything, Lord our God, we thank You and bless You-- may Your name be blessed in the speech of all living beings, constantly, for all time. For it is written: "And you shall eat, and be satisified, and bless the Lord your God for the good land He gave you." You are blessed, Lord, for the land and for the food.

8. Rachaym adonoy elohaynu al

yisro-ayl amecho v'al

y'rushola-yim irecho v'al tziyon

mishkan k'vodecho v'al

malchus bays dovid m'shichecho

v'al haba-yis hagadol

v'hakodosh shenikro shimcho

olov. Elohaynu ovinu r'aynu

zunaynu parn'saynu v'chalk'laynu

v'harvichaynu v'harvach lonu adonoy

elohaynu m'hayroh mikol

tzorasaynu. V'no al

tatzirchaynu adonoy elohaynu lo

liday matnas bosor vodom

v'lo liday halvo-osom, ki

im l'yodcho hamalay-oh

hapsucho hakadoshoh

v'horchovoh, shelo nayvosh

v'lo nikolaym l'olom vo-ed.

Have mercy, Lord our God, on Israel Your people, on Jerusalem, Your city, on Zion the home of your glory, on the kingdom of the house of David Your annointed one, and on the great and holy house which is called by Your name. Our God, our Father-- look after us and feed us, give us a livelihood and support us, and provide a respite for us-- a respite for us, Lord our God, soon, from all our troubles. And please, let us not be dependent, Lord our God, neither on a gift, nor on a loan from a human being, but rather on Your full, open, holy and generous hand, so that we should never feel embarrassed or ashamed.

Special paragraph for Shabbat:

9. R'tzayh v'hachalitzaynu adonoy

elohaynu b'mitzvosecho

umitzvas yom hasvi-i

hashabbat hagodol v'hakodosh

hazeh. Ki yom zeh godol

v'kodosh hu l'fonecho

lishbos bo v'lonuach bo b'ahavoh k'mitzvas r'tzonecho.

Uvirtzoncho honiyach lonu adonoy

elohaynu shelo s'hay tzoroh

v'yogon va-anachoh b'yom

m'nuchosaynu. V'har-aynu adonoy

elohaynu b'nechomas tziyon

irecho uv'inyan y'rushola-yim

ir kodshecho ki atoh hu

ba-al ha-y'shu-os uva-al

hanechomos.

Be pleased, Lord our God, to strengthen us through Your commandments, especially the commandment of the seventh day, this great and holy Shabbat. For this is indeed a great and holy day for You; to rest and be at ease, with loving concern for the command of Your will. So may it please You to grant us rest, Lord our God, with no trouble, or unhappiness, or weeping on our day of rest. And let us witness, Lord our God, the consolation of Zion, Your city, and the building up of Jerusalem, Your holy city, for you are the Lord of redemption, and the Lord of consolation.

11. Uvnayh y'rushola-yim ir

hakodesh bimhayroh v'yomaynu.

Boruch atoh adonoy, boneh

v'rachamov y'rusholoyim. Omayn.

And may You build up Jerusalem, the holy city, rapidly in our lifetimes, You are blessed, Lord, who in His mercy, builds up Jerusalem. Amen.

12. Boruch atoh adonoy, elohaynu

melech ho-olom, ho-ayl ovinu

malkaynu adiraynu bor-aynu

go-alaynu yotzraynu k'doshaynu

k'dosh Ya-akov, ro-aynu ro-ayh

yisro-ayl hamelech hatov

v'hamaytiv lakol shebchol yom

voyom hu haytiv hu

maytiv hu yaytiv lonu.

Hu g-molonu hu gomlaynu

hu yigm'laynu lo-ad l'chayn

l'chesed ulrachamim ulrevach

hatzoloh v'hatzlachoh b'rochoh

vishu-oh nechomoh parnosoh

v'chalkoloh v'rachamim v'cha-yim

v'sholom v'chol tov, umikol

tov l'olom al y'chasraynu.

You are blessed, Lord our God, the sovereign of the world-- God who is our father, our king, our mighty one, our creator, our redeemer, our maker, our holy one-- the holy one Jacob; our shepherd-- the shepherd of Israel; the king who is good and does good to all, who each and every day has been good, is good and will be good to us. He gave, gives, and will always give us grace, kindness and mercy, and respite, deliverance and success, blessing and salvation, comfort, a livelihood and sustenance, and mercy and life and peace and everything that is good-- and may He never let us lack anything that is good.

**This is the end of the bentching at the very minimum. The following are additional blessings, including blessings for your family, that are, although optional, added by many at each bentching**

13. Harachamon hu yimloch olaynu

l'olom vo-ed. Harachomon hu

yisborach bashoma-yim uvo-oretz.

Harachomon hu yishtabach

l'dor dorim v-yispo-ar bonu

l'naytzach n'tzochim v'yis-hadar

bonu lo-ad ul-olmay

olomim. Horachamon hu

y'farn'saynu b'chovod. Horachomon

hu yishbor ulaynu may-al

tzavoraynu v'hu yolichaynu

komami-us l'artzaynu.

Horachamon hu yishlach

b'rochoh m'ruboh baba-yis hazeh

v'al shulchon zeh she-ochalnu

olov. Horachamon hu yishlach

lonu es ayliohu hanovi

zochur latov vivaser lonu

b'soros tovos y'shu-os

v'nechomos.

The Merciful One-- He will rule over us forever. May the Merciful One be blessed in heaven and on earth. May the Merciful One be praised for generation upon generation, and may He be glorified through us forever and ever, and may He be honored through us eternally. May the Merciful One grant us an honorable livelihood. May the Merciful One break the yoke from our neck and lead us upright to our land. May the Merciful One send a plentiful blessing on this house and on this table at which we have eaten. May the Merciful One send us Elijah the prophet-- who is remembered for good-- who will bring us good tidings of salvation and comfort.

These personal blessings are added according to the individual circumstances:

14. Harachomon hu y'voraych

May the Merciful One bless

for one's parents:

es ovi mori (ba-al

haba-yis hazeh) v'es imi

morosi (ba-alas haba-yis

hazeh), osom v'es kol asher lohem,

my honored father (the man of this house) and my honored mother (the woman of this house) them, together with their household, their children and everything that is theirs.

 

for oneself and one's own family:

osi v'es ishti (ba-ali)

v'es zar-i v'es kol asher

li,

me, my wife (my husband), together with everything that is mine,

for one's hosts:

es ba-al haba-yis hazeh,

osom v'es baysom v'es

zar-om v'es kol asher

lohem,

the man of this house and the woman of this house-- them, together with their household, their children and everything that is theirs,

for others present:

v'es kol hamsubin kon,

and all who are seated here,

--osonu v'es kol asher

lonu, k'mo shenisborchu

avosaynu Avrohom Yitzchok

v'Ya-akov bakol mikol kol, kayn

y'voraych osonu kulonu yachad

bivrochoh sh'laymoh, v'nomar

omayn.

--us, together with all that is ours, just as our fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, were blessed--totally--so may He bless us, all of us together, with a complete blessing, and let us say, Amen.

15. Bamorom y'lamdu alayhem

v'olaynu z'chus shet-hay

l'mishmeres sholom. V'niso

v'rochoh may-ays adonoy utzdokoh

may-elohay yish-aynu. V'nimtzo

chayn v'saychel tov b'aynay

elohim v'odom. for one's hosts:

es ba-al haba-yis hazeh,

osom v'es baysom v'es

zar-om v'es kol asher

lohem,

the man of this house and the woman of this house-- them, together with their household, their children and everything that is theirs,

for others present:

v'es kol hamsubin kon,

and all who are seated here,

--osonu v'es kol asher

lonu, k'mo shenisborchu

avosaynu Avrohom Yitzchok

v'Ya-akov bakol mikol kol, kayn

y'voraych osonu kulonu yachad

bivrochoh sh'laymoh, v'nomar

omayn.

--us, together with all that is ours, just as our fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, were blessed--totally--so may He bless us, all of us together, with a complete blessing, and let us say, Amen.

15. Bamorom y'lamdu alayhem

v'olaynu z'chus shet-hay

l'mishmeres sholom. V'niso

v'rochoh may-ays adonoy utzdokoh

may-elohay yish-aynu. V'nimtzo

chayn v'saychel tov b'aynay

elohim v'odom.

May a plea be heard on high, for them and for us, which will result in the security of peace. So may we receive a blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of our salvation. So may we find favor and understanding in the sight of God and man.

On Shabbat:

16. Harachomon hu yanchilaynu yom

shekulo shabbat umnuchoh

l'cha-yay ho-olomim.

May the Merciful One bring us the day which will be totally Shabbat and rest, in everlasting life.

17. Harachomon hu y'zakaynu limos

hamoshiach ulcha-yay ho-olom

habo.

May the Merciful One make us worthy of experiencing the days of the Messiah and the life of the world to come.

Migdol

y'shu-os malko v'oseh

chesed limshicho l'dovid

ulzar-o ad olom. Oseh

sholom bimromov hu

ya-aseh sholom olaynu v'al

kol yisro-ayl, v'imru omayn.

He brings about great victories for His king and shows kindness to his annointed one-- to David and to his descendants forever. He who makes peace in His high places, may He bring about peace for us and for all Israel, and say, Amen.

18. Y'ru es adonoy k'doshov ki

ayn machsor liray-ov.

K'firim roshu v'ro-ayvu

v'dorshay adonoy lo yachs'ru chol

tov. Hodu ladonoy ki tov ki

l'olom chasdo. Posayach

es yodecho umasbi-a l'chol

chai rotzon. Boruch hagever

asher yivtach badonoy v'hoyoh adonoy

mivtacho. Na-ar hoyisi

gam zokanti v'lo ro-isi

tzadik ne-ezov v'zar-o

m'vakesh lochem. Adonoy oz l'amo

yitayn adonoy y'voraych es amo

vasholom.

Stand in awe of the Lord, you who are His holy ones, for there is nothing lacking to those who stand in awe of Him. Even young lions suffer want and hunger, but those who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His kindness is everlasting. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of all living. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and who makes the Lord the object of his trust. I was young and I have become old, and yet I never overlooked a deserving man who was destitute, with his children begging for bread. May the Lord give strength to His people; May the Lord bless his people with peace.

 

 

You shall lack nothing on the Sabbath.

Eat, be satisfied and bless your God

whom you love, because He has blessed

you beyond all nations.

Zemiroth (A Shabbat Song)

When I was a little girl growing up, I remember my grandmother used to go and sit to one side after the meal and sing the bentching to herself.

I didn't even know she was bentching until I grew up and started experiencing traditional Judaism as an adult. After the Friday night meal that I was a guest at, people passed around little books (bentchers), and began singing that familiar tune!

That's what she was doing all those years ago!

But why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she teach it to me?

Perhaps she knew that I wouldn't appreciate it or embrace it. Not then...but now.

How wise she was. I know somewhere in heaven she is listening with great nachas, every time I sing that song of thanks.

I love bentching at the Shabbat table, because it always evokes an emotion in me, as memories of my first Shabbat come flooding back.

There was a particular teacher that I had become close to through the learning that I was doing in the evening. He invited me for Shabbat to his home for a Friday night.

I didn't know what to expect, but it was beautiful. To teach his children the importance of bentching after the meal, he would always sing the bentching out loud, slowly, so that everyone could follow.

(Since I was such a beginner, I was probably at the same stage as the 3 or 4 year old at the table.)

It was such a warm feeling, seeing him take his little daughter onto his lap, swaying with her as he benched, all of the kids joining in...

Now I watch as my own husband holds our littlest one, carefully singing each word clearly, so that all our little girls can keep up and learn it properly.

My oldest, who is 5 1/2, can say most of the bentching herself, in and out. That's a lot farther ahead than I was at 27, that first Friday night with my favourite teacher.

What do I think about when I bentch? Probably how much more I have to bentch to get good at it.

Seriously though, I find that bentching has two qualities-- physical and spiritual.

The spiritual aspect has to do with the words themselves. I find that just saying them has an effect, like the Hebrew is magical, and can bring holiness to your table...

But hey-- after a big meal, you feel full, and you don't always feel like thanking God. All you want to do is get into your p.j.'s and go to bed.

That's where the physical stuff comes in. It's the time you have to go that extra mile, even if you're not in the mood. It's called discipline. And I suppose it's good for me too.

I was studying in Israel when my parents asked me to meet them in Turkey, as they were travelling together for business.

I hadn't been keeping Shabbat for very long, but there were some basic components that I was determined to keep, and one was bentching.

In Turkey, you don't exactly advertise that you are Jewish, so I kept my head covered with the ol' baseball cap, and bentching... well, let's just say that I said it quietly. Very, very quietly.

 



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